71+ Best Funny Quotes About Change And Moving On

Funny Quotes About Change And Moving On

  • I’m on the hunt for who I’ve not yet become.
  • Compassion is the ultimate expression of your highest self.
  • No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
  • Be bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart …
  • Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind always.
  • The stronger the wind the stronger the trees.
  • You have the power to say, “This is not how my story will end.”
  • Needing nothing attracts everything.
  • Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
  • When life gets blurry, adjust your focus.
  • Kindness changes everything.
  • Maybe its not about fixing something but starting over again.
  • Never quit, if you stumble get back up.
  • It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.
  • This is where I start my comeback.
  • If the only prayer you ever say is “Thank You”, that will be enough.
  • Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it.
  • Cutting people out of my life, does not mean I hate them.
  • Success occurs when your dreams get bigger than your excuses.
  • Worrying will never change the outcome.
  • Every end is a new beginning.
  • One kind word can change someone’s entire day.
  • Successful people build each other up.
  • Maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do…
  • Change your focus from making money to serving more people.
  • My life is a story about who God is.
  • You must make the choice, to take the chance to change your life.
  • When we are no longer able to change the situation, we can always change ourselves.
  • You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic.
  • Your life is a reflection of your thoughts.
  • As above, so below, as within, so without…
  • Some changes happen deep down inside of you.
  • We are what we repeatedly do.
  • If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.
  • The world is a dangerous place…
  • The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it.
  • Life is about change.
  • How to be positive…
  • No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn around.
  • Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like that anymore.
  • I’ve met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you’re 20 minutes
  • Life must bring ups and downs
  • Luck is a dividend of sweat
  • Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body
  • There are two sources of unhappiness in life
  • You are upgrading your technology, and you’ve not upgraded yourself! Eric ThomasPersonal Development Quotes
  • I guess we do all become our Mothers eventually and we have daughters like ourselves
  • A cousin is a person who knows all of your warts and faults yet has a heart filled with love for all those like me that stumble upon the way
  • If the grass is greener on the other side it’s probably getting better care
  • When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it

Quotes About Growth And Moving On

  • The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been
  • When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around
  • Nothing pains some people more than having to think
  • Without Sunday, I wouldn’t know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life
  • Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep
  • Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter
  • There is more to life than increasing its speed
  • I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights
  • Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover
  • I have never developed indigestion from eating my words
  • Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as a dog does his master’s chaise
  • When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade
  • A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff
  • Life’s a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest
  • On his seventy-fifth birthday a photographer said: ‘I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday
  • Lucille Ball taught me that the best comedy need never be cruel to be funny
  • Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get
  • It’s funny, I spent the first half of my life desperately trying not to become my mother, and now I am spending the second half of my life desperately hoping to become half the woman that she is
  • Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code
  • Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old
  • If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z
  • I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle
  • Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it’s not easy
  • Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms
  • An old dog can learn new tricks
  • Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled
  • The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground
  • When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get
  • People tell me, ‘You’re such an optimist
  • Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious
  • Live in such a way that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip
  • To be successful, regardless of the field, one needs to be a participant in the field of battle, rather than a spectator
  • He has a heart of gold – only harder
  • Goal setting is similar to travelling from point A to point B within a city
  • For some, life is like a river
  • You can complain about the direction of your life all you want, but until you sit in the driver’s seat and begin to drive yourself, you aren’t going to get where you want to go! Les BrownComplainingComplaining gets you no where, it solves no problems, it changes nothing, it doesn’t make you feel better

Quotes About Moving On

  • Life without Christ is like a vacuum cleaner without the electrical cord plugged in
  • Life is short
  • The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth
  • There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep
  • I find television very educational
  • Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant
  • If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him
  • Lisa, just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand
  • All of us, whether we use reading glasses or not, read through lenses
  • It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it
  • The world is plentiful with honey, but only the humble bee can collect it
  • So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!” Russel H
  • Age is an issue of mind over matter
  • We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery
  • Life is the only game where the object of the game is to figure out what the rules are
  • When you found out how to take it, life wasn’t half bad
  • Good health and good sense are two of life’s greatest blessings
  • A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them
  • Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning
  • A turkey never voted for an early Christmas
  • I like fishing, but I’m not a very good fisherman
  • If we look around, we see countless people who pursued their dreams of a golden mansion, a Porsche 911, and a six-figure job, and yet they’re not happier than before with the moldy flat, the rusty old car, and the cheap job
  • If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child
  • You may plan to write a book some day, but you are living a book every day
  • There is no such thing as a typical granny
  • When I hit Grade 7, I began to understand the difference between those who had money and those who didn’t have as much
  • Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting? Ray KrocGrowth
  • For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement
  • It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can’t dodge a fly
  • A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life
  • When you mention you have a teen daughter to someone, facial expressions turn sympathetic, as if you’ve just disclosed a serious medical issue
  • Long experience has taught me that to be criticized is not always to be wrong
  • By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean
  • Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana
  • Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody else likes you
  • “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin
  • “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
  • “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
  • “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston S Churchill
  • “If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld
  • “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  • “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  • “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
  • “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carey
  • “Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
  • “You know what I like most about people? Pets. ” – Jarod Kintz
  • “Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
  • “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford
  • “I can resist everything exept temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
  • “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston S Churchill
  • “Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” – William Goldman
  • “Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.” – Raheel Farooq
  • “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
  • “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
  • “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
  • “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert A Heinlein
  • “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
  • “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski
  • “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
  • “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.” – Markus Herz
  • “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” – Thomas Stephen Szasz
  • “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” – W C Fields
  • “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” – Woody Allen
  • “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein
  • “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific” – Lily Tomlin
  • “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you” – Steven Wright
  • “I find television very educational Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book” – Groucho Marx

Funny Quotes About Bad Relationship And Moving On

  • “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure” – Mark Twain
  • “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else” – Yogi Berra 
  • “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous” – Robert Benchley
  • “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent” – Langston Coleman
  • “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door” – Kyle Chandler
  • “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today It is already tomorrow in Australia” – Charles Schulz
  • “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
  • “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats” – Voltaire
  • “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris
  • “The elevator to success is out of order You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time” – Joe Girard
  • “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office” – Robert Frost
  • “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing” – George Bernard Shaw
  • “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up” – Mark Twain
  • “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese” – Billie BurkeIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of age quotes for the young and the young at heart
  • “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for” – Maureen Dowd
  • “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm” – Malcolm Forbes
  • “I cannot afford to waste my time making money” – Louis Agassiz
  • “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings” – Robert BlochIf you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of inspirational quotes for friends to show just how much they mean to you
  • “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito” – Betty Reese
  • “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits” – Albert Einstein
  • “Always borrow money from a pessimist He won’t expect it back”  – Oscar Wilde
  • “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration” – Robert Bresson
  • “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already”  – Dave Barry
  • “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day” – AA Milne
  • “I didn’t fail the test I just found 100 ways to do it wrong” – Benjamin Franklin
  • “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful” – Mae West
  • “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work” – Thomas Edison
  • “You can’t wait for inspiration You have to go after it with a club” – Jack London
  • “You have brains in your head You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose You’re on your own And you know what you know And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go” – Dr Seuss
  • “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure” – Unknown
  • “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow” – Mark Twain
  • “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it” – Tom Lehrer
  • “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right” – Isaac Asimov
  • “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor” – Truman Capote
  • “People often say that motivation doesn’t last Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily” – Zig Ziglar
  • “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now” – Marie Osmond
  • “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty Empty what is full Scratch where it itches” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
  • “You must learn from the mistakes of others You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself” – Sam Levenson
  • “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger” – Franklin P Jones
  • “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred” –  Woody Allen

Funny Quotes About Breakup And Moving On

  • “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap Stay safe Eat cake”
  • “Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge”
  • “Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places”
  • “It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike”
  • “I want to be like a caterpillar Eat a lot Sleep for a while Wake up beautiful”
  • “In m defense, I was left unsupervised”
  • “Taking naps sounds so childish I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses”
  • I walk around like everything is fine But deep down, inside my show, my sock is sliding off”
  • “It’s called Karma, and it’s pronounced, ‘Haha, f*** you ‘”
  • “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
  • “I think my guardian angel drinks”
  • “So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff”
  • “I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday”If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of monday motivation quotes to help you get the week started
  • “Don’t give up on your dreams Keep sleeping!”
  • Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work – Thomas Eddison
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli
  • If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big – Donald Trump
  • My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them – Mitch Hedberg
  • “You must pay for your sins If you have already paid, please ignore this notice” — Sam Levenson
  • “It’s okay to look at the past and the future Just don’t stare” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please – Mark Twain
  • “I have to be successful because I like expensive things” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
  • “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat” — Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life – Karan Patel
  • “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway“ – Robert Downey Jr
  • “Wisdom comes from experience Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom” – Terry Pratchett
  • “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept” – George CarlinIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of George Carlin quotes to from the iconic comedian
  • “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds” – Albert Einstein
  • “I figured something out The future is unpredictable” – John Green
  • “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone” – Reba McEntire
  • “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself” – Ethel Barrymore
  • “A mind is like a parachute It doesn’t work if it is not open” – Frank Zappa
  • “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday” – Dale Carnegie
  • “Aspire to inspire before we expire” – Eugene Bell Jr
  • “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched” – Edgar Allan Poe
  • “Think left and think right and think low and think high Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” – Dr Seuss
  • “Be nice to nerds You may end up working for them We all could” – Charles J Sykes
  • “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day” – Robert Frost
  • “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television” – Woody Allen
  • “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t” – Richard Bach
  • “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know” – W H Auden
  • “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces” – Will Rogers
  • “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha” – Robert Brault
  • “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there” – Will Rogers
  • “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt”– Abraham Lincoln
  • “Light travels faster than sound This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak”– Alan Dundes
  • “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person”– Andy RooneyIf you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of funny dog quotes to make you LOL with your furry best friends
  • “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else” – Ann Landers
  • “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper”– Bertrand Russell
  • “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”– Bernard Baruch
  • “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us”– Bill Watterson
  • “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem”– Bill Vaughan
  • “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it”– Bob Hope
  • “A day without laughter is a day wasted”– Charlie ChaplinIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of laughter quotes proving why it’s the best medicine
  • “They say marriages are made in Heaven But so is thunder and lightning”– Clint Eastwood
  • “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong”– Charles Wadsworth
  • “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it”– Cullen Hightower
  • “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you”– Billy Wilder
  • “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection”– Drake
  • “Do not take life too seriously You will never get out of it alive”– Elbert Hubbard
  • “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made Very few people die past that age”– George Burns
  • “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam” – George Carlin
  • “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late”– Henny Youngman
  • “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more”– James Thurber
  • “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke”– Charles de Gaulle
  • “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know”– Daniel J Boorstin
  • “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public”– Bryan White
  • “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future”– Denis Waitley
  • “The cure for boredom is curiosity There is no cure for curiosity”– Dorothy ParkerIf you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Dorothy Parker quotes that will help you uncover life’s secrets
  • “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water”– Eleanor Roosevelt
  • “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something”– Enid Blyton
  • “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
  • “I’m in shape Round is a shape”– George Carlin
  • “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you”– Jeffree StarIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of confused quotes about the ups and downs of life
  • “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party”– Ron White
  • “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance”– Thomas Sowell
  • “Have no fear of perfection You’ll never reach it”– Salvador Dali
  • “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do” – Voltaire
  • “I don’t want any yes-men around me I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job”– Samuel Goldwyn
  • “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition” – Marilyn Monroe
  • “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything” – Solomon Schechter
  • “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me” – Ayn Rand
  • “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research”– Steven WrightIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh
  • “Live each day like it’s your second to the last That way you can fall asleep at night” – Jason Love
  • “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan
  • “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer
  • “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on”– Samuel Goldwyn
  • “You’re only given a little spark of madness You mustn’t lose it” – Robin Williams
  • “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”– Scott Adams
  • “Trying is the first step toward failure” – Homer Simpson
  • “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg
  • “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito” – Betty Reese
  • “You can’t have everything Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
  • “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye” – Cathy Guisewite
  • “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else” –Unknown
  • “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures” – Gene Brown
  • “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others” – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself” – Irish Proverbs
  • “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it” – Terry Pratchett
  • “See the world like a big wardrobe Everybody has his own costume There is only one that fits you perfectly” – George Harris
  • “The best things in life are actually really expensive” – Unknown
  • “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts” – Fulton J Sheen
  • “Cause your facial expression to change – smile” – Catherine Pulsifer
  • “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip” – Richard Steele
  • “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts” – Unknown
  • “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright” – Lucille Ball
  • “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water”- Unknown
  • “If you reach for a star, you might not get one But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either” – Leo Burnett
  • “Well-behaved women seldom make history” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
  • “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire” – Emily Ley
  • “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory” – Mark Twain
  • “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap” – Glen Buck
  • “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things” – Bernard Sahlins
  • “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing” – William James
  • “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
  • “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want” – Bill Watterson
  • “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one” – Terry Pratchett
  • “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big” – Tom Hirshfield
  • “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out” —John Wooden
  • “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can” – Danny Kaye
  • “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost” – Martina Navratilova
  • “Life is like photography You need the negatives to develop” – Unknown
  • “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there” – Josh Billings
  • “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile” – Roger Staubach
  • “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back” – Regina Brett
  • “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others” – Groucho Marx
  • “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm It’s about learning to dance in the rain” – Sherrilyn Kenyon
  • “In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience Take the experience first; the cash will come later” – Harold Geneen
  • “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much” – Walter Lippmann
  • “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened” – Will Rogers
  • “The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill” – W Clement Stone
  • “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them” – Dick Van Dyke
  • “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it”– George Bernard Shaw
  • “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito” – Dalai Lama
  • “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks” – Charles Gordy If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of smile quotes to help keep a smile on your face
  • “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage” – Anais Nin
  • “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city” – George Burns
  • “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears” – Les Brown
  • “Always remember that you are absolutely unique Just like everyone else” – Margaret Mead
  • “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early” – Yogi Berra
  • “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction” – Justin Sewell
  • “Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce” – Unknown
  • “Life is too short to be serious all the time So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, Call me…I’ll laugh at you” – Unknown

Funny Quotes About Change

  • “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking”– Robert H Shuller
  • “I am an optimist It does not seem too much use being anything else”- Winston Churchill
  • “It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack”– Germany Kent
  • “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
  • “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat” – Lily Tomlin
  • “What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it Every opportunity has a difficult, and every difficulty has an opportunity”– J Sidlow Baxter
  • “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do” – Amy Poehler
  • “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will”– Stephen King
  • “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been” – Madeleine L’EngleIf you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of getting older quotes that will make you embrace the beauty in aging
  • “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty Empty what’s full Scratch where it itches” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  • “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them” – Baron de Montesquieu
  • “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time” – Marilyn Monroe
  • “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject” – Winston Churchill
  • “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all” – Malcolm Forbes
  • “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education” – Mark Twain
  • “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half” – Gracie Allen
  • “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did I said I didn’t know” – Mark Twain
  • “Good things come to those who initiate” – Susan RoAneIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of vine quotes that showcase some of the most hilarious moments from the short-lived site
  • “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do” –Benjamin Franklin
  • “If you want something said, ask a man If you want something done, ask a woman” – Margaret Thatcher
  • “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh” – Will Rogers
  • “To think is easy To act is hard But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  • “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively” – Dalai Lama
  • “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them” –Elbert Hubbard
  • “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool” – Hippocrates
  • “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle” – Bob Hope
  • “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
  • “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough” –Phyllis Diller
  • “Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is often a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise” – Robert MartinIf you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of encouraging quotes to help keep you going
  • “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing” – Paul Stanley
  • “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night” – Steve Martin
  • “A good time for laughing is when you can” – Jessamyn West
  • “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto UzumakiIf you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Naruto quotes about life, success and relationships
  • “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home” – Phyllis Diller
  • “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess” – Cassandra Duffy
  • “Free your mind and your ass will follow” – George Clinton
  • “I’m not confused I’m just well mixed” – Robert Frost
  • “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help” – Watts Humphrey
  • “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
  • “Girls have got balls They’re just a little higher up, that’s all” – Joan Jett
  • “I intend to live forever So far, so good” – Steven Wright
  • “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock” – Henny Youngman
  • “If you fall, I’ll always be there” – The Floor
  • “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth” – Leonard Barnes
  • “Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen” –Unknown
  • “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy” – Hippocrates
  • “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important” – Bill Shoemaker
  • “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing” – Will Rogers

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