Best 74+ Funny Quotes For Breakups And Moving On

Funny Quotes For Breakups And Moving On

  • “I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.”
  • “Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser.”
  • “I will not allow myself to not feel chosen every single day. And I’ll wait till whenever that is.”
  • “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.”
  • “No boyfriend, no problems.”
  • “Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away.”
  • “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”
  • “Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want.”
  • “I hope you step on a Lego.”
  • “Only time can heal his heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”
  • “I like my relationships like I like my eggs — over easy.”
  • “Love lasts about seven years. That’s how long it takes for the cells of
  • the body to totally replace themselves.”
  • “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
  • “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”
  • “If you’re not moving forward, you’re falling back.”
  • “Congratulations on your break up! Nobody could stand that bastard any way.”
  • “Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
  • “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost as if you’re here!”
  • “Our break up was due to religious differences. He thought he was God. I
  • didn’t.”
  • “Oh you’re dating my ex? Cool, I’m eating a sandwich…want those leftovers too?”
  • “Two things: 1) Where have you been all my life? 2) Can you please go back there?”
  • “Next guy that breaks my heart is getting pepper sprayed, look now we both crying.”
  • “The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends.”
  • “Good fortune is what happens when opportunity meets with planning.”
  • “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act.”
  • “There is no other route to success.”
  • “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
  • “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody
  • else.”
  • “There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.”
  • “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal
  • separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”
  • “Hate is such a luxurious emotion, it can only be spent on one we love.”
  • “Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs.”
  • “The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing… and then marry him!”
  • “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”
  • “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”
  • “In love, one and one are one.”
  • “A happy house is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.”
  • “I married a woman who loves to camp … and I am what you would call indoorsy.”
  • “True love is singing Karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddy Mercury part.”
  • “You talked about the future, and that freaked me out. It makes me sick to think about it.”
  • “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody
  • else.”
  • “My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want
  • him to.”
  • “I used to think you took my breath away, but then I realized I was just
  • suffocated by your bullshit.”
  • “When your ex says, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” Tell him, “That’s the point, you idiot.”
  • “Breakup with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.”
  • “My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture.”
  • “Break ups aren’t always meant for make ups. Sometimes relationships end
  • in order for you to wake up.”
  • “My mother always told me to put things back where I found them…so I’m about to put this bitch in her place.”
  • “Your ex asking you to be friends after break up is like kidnappers asking you to keep in touch after letting you go.”
  • “I think… therefore, I’m single.”
  • “There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.”
  • “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
  • “There are always a few before-Valentine’s Day breakups that allow people to cancel reservations.”
  • “If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.”
  • “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”
  • “I would rather be a beggar and single, than a queen and married.”
  • “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.”
  • “Sometimes you just gotta let sh-t go and say ‘to hell with it’ and move on.”
  • “To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only
  • will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.”
  • “Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.”
  • “Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn’t have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.”
  • “You are allowed to let go of all those that do not set you free anymore.”
  • “Keep planting and sowing, living and knowing: beautiful things take time, and that is okay.”
  • “Say yes, and you’ll figure it out afterward.”
  • “Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.”
  • “Through the gaps in the books, Ryan could see someone in the next aisle
  • over, moving slowly. Someone in black. Someone whistling. Ryan recognized the tune. It was the theme music to Harry Potter.”
  • “My company is known for being funny as well as moving. You get a bit of
  • everything in these shows. I think people know they’re going to have a surprising experience.”
  • “It’s funny, but … you’re sort of a moving target for fortune, and you never know when it will befall you.
  • “When we were younger, my cousins used to jump in front of cars with masks on and start dancing really funny or making funny moves and the people

Funny Breakup Captions For Instagram

  • “Me at 24 after every breakup: ‘He took the best years of my life.'”
  • “Breakups hurt. But losing someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate
    you is actually a gain, not a loss.”
  • “Re-reading messages where I expressed my feelings and got lil too soft.”
  • “Kinda wanna date someone but kinda never wanna risk getting my feelings involved ever again u see my dilemma.”
  • “I saw u at your lowest and still thought u were the greatest.”
  • “My friend: Can’t you see he’s toxic? Me:”
  • “When you read your old messages and see how you used to talk.”
  • “I love men, I think men are the coolest but you don’t really need them to live. My mom said to me… ‘You know sweetheart one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ and I said ‘Mom, I am a rich man.'” — Cher 1996.”
  • “Did your ex make you scared to fall in love again or are you normal??”
  • “If you can love the wrong person that much. Imagine how much you can love the right one.”
  • “Normalize saying ‘good game’ after a breakup.”
  • “When you see your ex in public but you’re all alone.”
  • “Him: you can either change your attitude or leave. Me:”
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  • “Me deleting the text thread after being ignored so that I’m less reminded of how unwanted and unloveable I am.”
  • “When ur ex tries to hit u up: Him: Hey, Me: Hey, Him: What’s up, Me: My standards, bye.”
  • “Are you algebra? Because everyone said I was going to need you later in life but turns out I don’t.”
  • “These days I don’t have time to argue… I’m just like…”
  • “Today’s breakup is better than tomorrow’s divorce.”
  • “Looking at old photos of you and your ex like.”
  • “Explaining to a man what he did wrong.”
  • “Hopefully we can still be friends.”
  • “When you realize you’re doing better than your ex.”
  • “How to end things properly: Me: ‘Couples costume idea for us!’ Him:
    ‘?? Those two don’t go together’ Me: ‘Neither do we Eric, Goodbye’ Him: ‘Wtf.'”
  • “When your mini-breakdown is over and you have to delete your overly-dramatic posts.”
  • “So you just gone walk out of my life? Me:”
  • “Him: Wyd? Me: Finna cut you off.”
  • “When you get your heart broken but it’s ok because the streets been
    waiting for you to be single again.”
  • “If he truly wanted to, he would sis. Remember that, stay pretty.”
  • “Me preparing to get my heart broken for the 748th time this year:”
  • “When y’all break up and they get with the person u thought u were only overly paranoid over when y’all were together.”
  • “Ex-boyfriend: ‘you look good’ Me:”
  • “‘Are you seeing someone?’ ‘Why are you single?’ ‘When are you going
    to find someone?’ Look, If I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would.”

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